Funny and X-Rated: The Best Jokes You Shouldn’t Tell in

If you’re looking for a good laugh, check out our collection of the best jokes you shouldn’t tell in polite company. From sex jokes to bathroom humor, we’ve got something for everyone.

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The Best Jokes You Shouldn’t Tell in Public

Let’s face it, we all love a good joke. But some jokes are just inappropriate and shouldn’t be told in public. This list will give you some of the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) jokes that you shouldn’t tell in public.

Jokes about sex

There are plenty of jokes about sex that are funny and appropriate for most audiences. But there are also plenty of jokes about sex that are funny, but definitely not appropriate for mixed company. If you’re looking for some dirty jokes to share with your friends, make sure you know your audience before you let loose with one of these gems.

1. What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A man will actually search for a golf ball.

2. How do you make a woman screaming during sex?
Marry her.

3. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.

4. Why is a man like expired milk?
Because they both get nasty after awhile and need to be dumped.

Jokes about bodily functions

There’s nothing funnier than a good, clean joke…except maybe a dirty joke. But some dirty jokes are so X-rated, they’re not suitable for mixed company. Here are 25 of the best (or worst, depending on your sensibilities) jokes about bodily functions that you probably shouldn’t tell in public.

1.Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
2.Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out!
3.You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
4.Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through.
5.Why don’t skeletons ever go out on dates? Because they don’t have the guts!
6.What kind of pants does a man wear on his head? Overalls!
7.”Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!””Don’t worry sir, the fly doesn’t know how to swim.”

Jokes about religion

Here are some hilarious religion jokes that you probably shouldn’t tell in public, unless you want to start a heated argument!

-Why did God create Adam first? Because he wanted a man without an excuse.
-How many evangelical Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it takes the whole church to change the world.
-What’s the difference between Jesus and a photo of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang a picture.
-If you want to meet God, it’s better to go to church on Sunday than Walmart on Saturday.
-How many born again Christians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit in the dark and wait for Jesus to come and do it for them.

The Best Jokes You Shouldn’t Tell in mixed company

Jokes about race

It’s no secret that jokes about race can be offensive and even downright hurtful. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be funny, too. If you’re looking for a laugh, here are some of the best (and worst) jokes about race you should (and shouldn’t) tell in mixed company.

What do you call a black person with a PhD? A niggardly scholar!

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side…of your racial stereotypes!

How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, because they’re all too busy stealing our jobs!

What do you call a black person in a three piece suit? The defendant!

Why are black people so good at basketball? Because all they have to do is run, jump, and steal!

What’s the difference between a black person and a homeless person? A black person has soul!

Jokes about ethnicity

There’s nothing wrong with a little harmless banter between friends, but some jokes are just best left unsaid. To avoid offending anyone (or getting smacked in the face), it’s important to know which topics and taboo subjects to avoid in mixed company. Here are a few examples of the types of jokes you should lay off of, especially if you don’t know everyone in the room that well:

Jokes about ethnicity
Whether it’s blonde jokes, Jewish jokes, black jokes or Polish jokes, chances are if you don’t share that particular trait with the person you’re telling the joke to, they probably won’t find it all that amusing. If you must tell a “___ people are so ___” joke, it’s always best to go for the self-deprecating variety (e.g., “I’m such a klutz, I must be Jewish!”).

Jokes about religion
This is another touchy subject that can quickly put a damper on things if not approached with caution. It’s perfectly fine to make fun of your own religion (e.g., “I went to confession and told the priest I cheated on my wife – twice! He said, ‘That’ll be three Hail Marys and four Our Fathers’), but leave other people’s beliefs out of it.

Jokes about sex
There is such thing as being too forward, especially when it comes to telling sexually explicit jokes in mixed company. Whether it’s a dirty joke or an embarrassing story from your personal life, save it for when you know everyone in the room is comfortable hearing about such things. In general, it’s best to keep things PG-13 in mixed company.

Jokes about politics
Political correctness has taken over society to the point where many people are afraid to even utter a peep about politics for fear of upsetting someone. While there is definitely a time and place for political humor, mixed company usually isn’t it. With such a hot-button issue like politics, why take the risk?

Jokes about gender

These are funny jokes that you probably shouldn’t tell in mixed company. If you’re in a room full of women, for example, telling a joke about how stupid women are is probably not a good idea. And if you’re in a room full of men, telling a joke about how all men are cheaters is probably not going to go over well either. So use these jokes with caution!

-Why did the man cross the road? To get to the other side!
-How do you keep a man from cheating on you? Tie him to the bed!
-What’s the difference between a man and a condom? A condom has an expiration date.

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