A collection of the best funny weed jokes and quotes from famous people throughout history.
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Table of Contents
Introduction
Weed jokes are funnier than you think. They are also very popular on social media, especially among millennials.
Here are some of the best weed jokes and quotes that will make you laugh out loud.
“Weed is like pizza. When it’s good, it’s really good. When it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.” – Jim Gaffigan
“I never knew how I felt about marijuana until I tried it.” – Wiz Khalifa
“I smoked weed for the first time when I was 16. It made me feel weird and paranoid, so I never did it again.” – Sarah Silverman
“Marijuana is my best friend.” – Snoop Dogg
The Best Weed Jokes
We all know that marijuana is a hot topic right now. Whether you think it should be legalized or not, there’s no denying that it’s a popular subject. And what goes hand-in-hand with popularity? jokes! That’s right, we’ve gathered some of the best weed jokes from around the internet. So sit back, relax, and enjoy!
One-liners
weed jokes.
What do you call a pot head with two joints?
A quarter pounder.
Why don’t stoners ever donate blood?
Because it always comes back as weed.
Why did the joint get sent to jail?
Because it was rolled up in paper!
Why did the guy cross the road?
To get to the other side joint!
Short jokes
What do you call a stoner who has lost all his weed? A trip to the dispensary!
Why did the stoner cross the road? To get to the other bag of weed!
What’s a stoner’s favorite food group? Dabs!
How many stoners does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but it might take him a few tries!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the dispensary!
What do you call asites
Long jokes
Why did the#############################################################################################
Why did the#############################################################################################
Why did the weed cross the road?
To get to the other side!
The Funniest Weed Quotes
Celebrities
Whether you’re a fan of smoking weed or not, you have to admit that some of the quotes about weed from celebrities are pretty funny. Here are 15 of the funniest weed quotes from celebrities:
1. “I think that marijuana should not only be legal, I think it should be a cottage industry. It would be wonderful for the state of California.” – Willie Nelson
2. “The only thing pot does for me is it relaxes me, and it makes food taste better. And sometimes when I’m watching a movie, I think it enhances the experience.” – Brad Pitt
3. “Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?” – Bill Hicks
4. “I have always loved marijuana. It has been a source of joy and comfort to me for many years. And I still think of it as a basic staple of life, along with beer and ice and grapefruits – and millions of Americans agree with me.” – Hugh Hefner
5.”I used to smoke marijuana when I was young, and I’m not ashamed to say that I did it and enjoyed it.” – Bill Clinton
6.”Of course I know how to roll a joint.” – Martha Stewart
7.”Make the most of the Indian hemp seed and sow them again in great quantity.” – George Washington
8.”When you smoke pot, things become more like their true essential selves.” – David Foster Wallace
Politicians
“When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point.”
-Barack Obama
“The only way I could get a job was if I could prove my sobriety, but how do you prove something that never existed? On my résumé, it just said ‘sober since 1991.’ That wasn’t true, but it worked every time. Whenever somebody Googles me, that’s all they see now: sober since ’91… It started becoming sort of like this running joke for me and my friends: ‘Sober since… what year is it? Sober since whenever.’”
-Patton Oswalt
“Prohibition… goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man’s appetite by legislation and makes crimes out of things that are not crimes… A prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded.”
-Abraham Lincoln
Comedians
Some of the funniest people in the world are also the biggest cannabis advocates. Here are some of our favorite weed quotes from comedians.
“I think that marijuana should not only be legal, I think it should be a cottage industry.” – Bill Maher
“Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit… unnatural?” – Bill Hicks
“When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point.” – Barack Obama
“I have always loved marijuana. It has been a source of joy and comfort to me for many years. And I still think of it as a basic staple of life, along with beer and ice and grapefruits – and millions of Americans agree with me.” – Hunter S. Thompson
“I smoked pot in college, and 10 years later it hadn’t done me any harm… except that now my college roommate owes me $120,000.” – David Letterman
Conclusion
Weed jokes are always a classic way to get a laugh out of your friends, whether you’re at a party or just hanging out. If you’re looking for some funny weed quotes to make your day, look no further!
“Why don’t Venezuelans just smoke weed and be happy?” –Unknown
“I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is an herb and a flower. God put it here. If He put it here and He wants it to grow, what gives the government the right to say that God is wrong?” –Willie Nelson
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.” –Emo Philips
“I’m not a heavy smoker, I can usually stop when I want to…sometimes.” – Tommy Chong
