The Funniest President Jokes You’ve Never Heard: A Collection of Hilarious Jokes About Our Presidents.
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Table of Contents
Jimmy Carter once said, “My faith is strong and will not be shaken.” He also said, “I’m not going to have my religion decided by somebody who doesn’t believe in God.”
Gerald Ford was never elected president—he became vice president when Spiro Agnew resigned, and then he became president when Richard Nixon resigned. And he was never really that popular. So it’s not surprising that there aren’t a lot of jokes about him. But there are a few:
“Gerald Ford is so dumb he can’t fart and chew gum at the same time.”
“Gerald Ford is so dumb he thinks a quarterback is a refund.”
“Gerald Ford is so dumb he thinks Medicare is a Mexican food.”
“I call Pat Buchanan in the morning, and he gets all agitated about the Communists taking over South America. Then I call Spiro Agnew, and he gets all worked up about law and order. Then I call Rose Mary Woods, and she tells me to go fuck myself.” – Richard Nixon
John F. Kennedy
Q: Why was JFK so popular with the old ladies?
A: Because he was a Groper in Chief!
Q: Why did Jackie Kennedy want to divorce JFK?
A: Because he kept calling her “Babe.”
Q. What’s the difference between JFK and a parking meter?
A. A parking meter has a head on it!
Lyndon B. Johnson
Lyndon B. Johnson was once asked by a little girl what the initials “LBJ” stood for. He replied, “Lady Bird Johnson.”
“I’m not going to knock Hillary Clinton. I think she’s a fine public servant. But I do have to wonder, what exactly did she do to earn $12 million dollars last year? Plus, let’s not forget, she was married to the President.”
“I was at this fancy fundraiser and they had this big cake in the shape of the White House. And I thought to myself, ‘Wow, that’s pretty cool. I wonder how much that cost?’ And then I realized, if you put Hillary Clinton in charge of the budget, it probably cost about twice as much.”