Funny Nurse Jokes: The Dirty Edition

Funny Nurse Jokes: The Dirty Edition is a site that contains a collection of some of the best, dirtiest jokes about nurses.

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Nurses work hard and sometimes they need a good laugh. So, we’ve collected some of the best, dirtiest nurse jokes around. Read at your own risk!

-Why did the nurse go into the closet?
To get her patient!

-What’s a nurse’s favorite type of patient?
A comatose one!

-What do you call a nurse with a personality?
A hallucination!

The Best Funny Nurse Jokes

Nurses are amazing people. They work long hours, they are constantly taking care of other people, and they always have a smile on their face. But, let’s be honest, sometimes they can be a little bit naughty. Here are the best funny nurse jokes that will make you laugh out loud.

The Blonde Nurse

A blonde nurse is working the night shift when she suddenly hears a patient in distress. She runs to his room to find that he is having a heart attack.

She immediately begins administering CPR and after a few minutes, the patient revives and is stable.

The blonde nurse is relieved and happy that she was able to save his life. However, the patient looks up at her with a horrified expression and says, “You’re the ugliest nurse I’ve ever seen!”

The Tattooed Nurse

A young nurse comes home from her first day on the job. Her mother asks her how she likes it.

“It’s great,” she says. “I just love it.”

“What’s the best part?” her mother asks.

“Getting to meet new people,” she says. “I met a patient today who was covered in tattoos.”

“That’s interesting,” her mother says. “What did you learn about him?”

“Well, he told me that he got them when he was in the army.”

The New Nurse

A few days after starting her job as a new nurse, the head nurse noticed that one of her patients was becoming increasingly agitated. When she asked the patient what was wrong, the patient burst into tears and said, “I’m just so scared! I’m in here all alone and I don’t know what’s going to happen to me!”

The head nurse did her best to comfort the patient and assured her that she would be there for her. After a few minutes, the patient seemed to calm down and drift off to sleep.

Later that night, the head nurse was making her rounds when she heard a strange noise coming from the room of the same patient. When she entered the room, she found the patient out of bed, frantically trying to stuff herself under the sheets!

“What are you doing?” The head nurse asked, astonished.

“I’m so scared!” The patient cried. “I just wanted to make sure I was covered in case anything happened to me!”

The Male Nurse

A man goes to the doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing isn’t as good as it used to be. What can I do?”

The doctor replies, “Try this test. Stand about 40 feet away from her, and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move about 10 feet closer and ask again. Keep doing this until she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell how far away she is when she does answer.”

So the man goes home and stands 40 feet from his wife. He asks,”What’s for dinner?” There is no response; he moves 10 feet closer. “What’s for dinner?” Still no response; he moves 10 feet closer again.” What’s for dinner?” he yells; there is still no response.

He gets angry and storms off into the kitchen, grumbling to himself. As he enters, his wife is sitting at the table with a big smile on her face.” Haven’t you noticed anything different about me lately?”

“No,” he replies.” What’s different?”

“I’ve got a hearing aid!” she replies triumphantly.” It just cost me $4,000!”


We hope you enjoyed our dirty nurse jokes! If you have any other amusing nurse jokes, please share them with us in the comments below. Thanks for reading and laughing with us!

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