Funny Mafia Jokes to Make You Laugh

If you love Mafia jokes, you’ll love this blog post! We’ve rounded up the funniest jokes about the Mafia to make you laugh out loud.

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Mafia jokes are always funny. They’re about crime, violence, death, and betrayal. But they’re also about family, friends, and love. In other words, they’re about life. Here are some of the best mafia jokes to make you laugh.

Short Mafia Jokes

Q: How do you make a bandleader surrenders?
A: Put a contract out on him.

Q: What’s the difference between a soprano and a piranha?
A: One is an irritating high-pitched noise, and the other is a fish.

Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.

Q: What does a mobster’s son wear to bed?
A: A gangster sheet!

Q: Why don’t mafiosos play chess anymore?
A: Because they always end up getting pushed around by pawns.

Long Mafia Jokes

What do you call a Mafia don who’s in charge of keeping track of numbers?

The Numbers Racketeer!

What do you call a hitman who works for the Mafia?

A Mafioso!

What’s the difference between the Mafia and a Ponzi scheme?
One generation robs the next.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side of the family!


Laughing is good for your health! The benefits of laughter are well-documented. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts your mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. What’s not to love about laughter? It’s the best medicine!

Short Mafia Puns

-What’s a mafia don’s favorite fruit?
-A fig.

-What’s a mobster’s favorite type of cheese?

-Why did the chicken cross the road?
-To get to the other side of the law.

-Why did the mafia hitman cross the road?
-To get to the other side of the target.

Long Mafia Puns

What’s a mobster’s favorite fruit?

The mafia-nana.

What’s a mobster’s favorite drink?

Grape juice.

What’s a mobster’s favorite movie?

The Godfather.


Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! This is a classic joke that has been around for years. But why is it so funny?

Short Mafia Riddles

Q: What’s a mafia bosses favorite movie?
A: The Godfather

Q: How does the Mafia promote good eyesight?
A: They shoot anyone who wears glasses.

Q: What’s a Mafia members favorite websites?
A: Craigslist and eBay

Q: Whats the difference between a smart mafia boss and a dumb mafia boss?
A: The smart one remembers to wipe his prints off the gun.

Long Mafia Riddles

What’s the best way to describe it when the Godfather takes a vacation?

An offer he can’t refuse.

What does a Mafia hit man do when he retires?

He sleeps with the fishes.

How does a Mafia hit man kill his victim?

With a lead pipe.

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