The Funniest Home Depot Jokes

Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of the funniest Home Depot jokes around!

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Home Depot Jokes

Have you ever shopped at Home Depot and thought to yourself, “This would be a really funny place to work”? Well, it turns out that a lot of people have had the same thought. In fact, there are quite a few Home Depot jokes out there.

Jokes about home improvement

Whether you’re a professional contractor or a do-it-yourselfer, everybody loves a good Home Depot joke. Here are some of the best jokes about home improvement:

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side of the house.

Why did the duck cross the road?
To get to Home Depot.

Why did the man go to Home Depot?
Because he needed a new Lowe’s.

What do you call a Home Depot employee?
A tool salesman.

Jokes about home repairs

Q: What’s the best way to avoid having to do home repairs?
A: Don’t own a home!

Q: How many home repair contractors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It depends on how much you’re willing to pay!

Q: How can you tell if a home repair contractor is honest?
A: If he gives you a written estimate, it’s probably too high. If he doesn’t give you a written estimate, it’s probably too low.

Q: What is the difference between a home repair contractor and a used car salesman?
A: A used car salesman knows when he’s lying.

Jokes about home improvement stores

Q: What did the cashier at Home Depot say to the customer who was buying a lot of toilet paper?
A: You must be Poopin’!

Q: What do you call a group of ants who just bought a Home Depot franchise?
A: Ace Hardware.

Q: What does a vampire never say when he’s at Home Depot?
A: “I’ll just take one bag of cement, please.”