We all know that finance can be a dry and boring subject. But it doesn’t have to be! Check out our selection of funny finance jokes to help you get through the day.
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Jokes about Money
Money doesn’t grow on trees, but it does grow on bills! If you’re looking for some funny finance jokes to make you laugh, look no further. From banking jokes to stock market jokes, we’ve got all the best finance jokes right here.
“I’m not a hoarder, I’m a collector of future money.”
Jokes about money are as old as money itself. Since the dawn of civilization, people have been using humor to cope with the stresses of daily life, and financial worries are no exception.
Whether you’re looking for a way to get through a tough day at work or you just need a good laugh, jokes about money can help. From classic one-liners to modern memes, there’s something for everyone.
Here are some of our favorites:
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side…of the bank!
Q: What’s the difference between a broke person and a poor person?
A: A broke person doesn’t have any money, a poor person has money but little else.
Q: How do you know if someone is a billionaire?
A: They have more zeros in their bank account than you do!
Q: Why did the woman throw her watch out the window?
A: Because she wanted to see time fly!
Q: How does a rabbi make coffee?
A: Hebrews it!
“I’m so poor, I can’t even afford to pay attention!”
We all know that money doesn’t grow on trees, but that doesn’t stop us from spending it like there’s no tomorrow! If you’re looking for a way to lighten up your wallet and have a good laugh at the same time, check out our collection of hilarious finance jokes.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side… of the stock market!
Why did the duck go to the bank? To get a loan!
Why did the rich man sell his car? So he could afford the repairs!
How do you make a small fortune in investments? Start with a large fortune!
Don’t worry about losing your job. The government will always be there to bail you out!
“I’m so broke, I can’t even afford to pay myself!”
Broke jokes are so common because, unfortunately, most of us can relate! Being broke is no laughing matter but sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from crying. If you’re looking for a good laugh, check out our favorite jokes about being broke below.
“I’m so broke, I can’t even afford to pay myself!”
“I’m so broke, my only asset is my debt!”
“I’m so broke, I have to get my other half to co-sign just to borrow a dollar!”
“I’m so broke, even my shadow is on a budget!”
“I’m so broke, I can’t afford to pay attention!”
“I’m so broke, I have to get my clothes from the lost and found!”
“I’m so broke, I had to cancel my Netflix subscription!”
Jokes about Investing
“I’m not a gambler, I’m an investor.”
When it comes to investing, there’s a thin line between being confident and being cocky. And sometimes, the line can be pretty blurry.
That’s why we’ve rounded up some of the best (and funniest) investing jokes out there. Whether you’re an experienced investor or just starting out, these jokes will make you laugh while also giving you something to think about.
So without further ado, here are some of our favorite investing jokes:
-I’m not a gambler, I’m an investor.
-I tried day trading once…ended up losing a whole day.
-I’m not saying that I don’t like my financial advisor, but if he were any slower, he’d be a tortoise.
-My favorite thing about compound interest is that it works whether you’re working or sleeping.
-I asked my broker if I could borrow his yacht for the weekend and he said, “Sure, as long as you’re comfortable with leverage.”
“I’m not a day trader, I’m a long-term investor.”
I’m not a day trader, I’m a long-term investor.
What’s the difference between an investor and a speculator?
An investor buys when everyone else is selling and holds until everyone else is buying. A speculator buys when everyone is buying and sells when everyone is selling.
Why did the chicken go to the séance?
To get to the other side.
Why did the market crash?
Because too many people were bullish.
“I’m not a stockbroker, I’m a financial advisor.”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side of the portfolio!
Why did the duck cross the road?
To get to the other side of the average!
Why did the mosquito cross the road?
To get to the other side of the risk!
Why did the banana cross the road?
Because he was sick of being in a portfolio!
Jokes about Retirement
Everyone knows that money doesn’t grow on trees. But where does it come from? According to these retirement jokes, it comes from a place where there are a lot of old people! If you’re looking for some laughs, then check out these jokes about retirement.
“I’m not retired, I’m a professional napper.”
I’m not retired, I’m a professional napper.
I’m not retired, I’m just a stay-at-home husband.
I’m not retired, I just don’t work here anymore.
Retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at living.
Retirement is when you stop making money and start making memories.
Retirement is when you stop worrying about money and start enjoying life.
The best thing about retirement is that you can spend all day doing what you want to do, and no one can tell you to do otherwise!
“I’m not retired, I’m a full-time student.”
I’m not retired, I’m a full-time student.
I may be retired, but I’m not dead.
I’m not retired, I’m just taking a long coffee break.
Retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at living.
Retirement: World’s longest coffee break.
“I’m not retired, I’m a full-time grandparent.”
Do you know any good jokes about retirement? If not, here are a few to get you started.
“I’m not retired, I’m a full-time grandparent.”
“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it as much as possible, but not so much that you go broke.”
“Retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at living.”
“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.”
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
” god gave us our relatives; thank goodness we can choose our friends!”
