If you’re looking for a good laugh, check out our collection of funny jokes about ex-wives. From lighthearted jabs to biting satire, we’ve got something for everyone.
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The Ex-Wife Joke
If you’re looking for a good laugh, then you’ve come to the right place. Here you’ll find a selection of funny jokes about ex-wives. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a few laughs.
The blonde ex-wife
A man was telling his buddies about his new blonde ex-wife.
“She’s a real gold digger,” he said. “Why, just the other day she went out and bought herself a new Mercedes convertible.”
“Were you angry?” asked one of his friends.
“No,” he replied. “After all, it was only $300.”
The brunette ex-wife
A man was having his annual physical with his doctor. The doctor asked him how he was doing and the man said, “I’ve been having some trouble with my ex-wife.” The doctor asked, “What kind of trouble?” The man replied, “She keeps calling me at 3:00 in the morning and she yells at me for not being there when she wakes up.”
The doctor thought for a moment and said, “I have an idea that might help you. When she calls tomorrow night, pretend you’re asleep. Don’t say anything and see what happens.”
So, the next night the man went to bed early and sure enough, at 3:00 in the morning his ex-wife called. He pretended to be asleep and after a few seconds he heard her hang up. The man was thrilled and decided to try it again the next night. Once again he went to bed early and at 3:00 in the morning his ex-wife called. He pretended to be asleep again, but this time he heard her say, “You bastard! You were supposed to be there when I woke up!”
The redhead ex-wife
A man was in court facing his ex-wife for custody of their child. The judge asked him: “What do you love most about your child?” The father responded, “I love her sense of humor.” The judge said, “That’s nice, but what else do you love about her?” The father said, “I love her sense of humor.” The judge looked at the father and said, “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave the courtroom.”
The father asked the bailiff what he did wrong. The bailiff said, “You’re supposed to be talking about why you want custody of your child, not what you love about her.” The father said, “I am. I want custody because she makes me laugh.”
The Crazy Ex-Wife Joke
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says “You’re out of luck. We’ve been closed for fifteen minutes because of a crazy ex-wife.”
The blonde crazy ex-wife
A blonde woman is walking down the street when she sees her ex-husband walking towards her. She gets angry and starts yelling at him. The ex-husband calmly walks up to her and says, “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. Can you forgive me?”
The blonde crazy ex-wife replies, “You’re sorry? You’re sorry? You ruined my life! You made me crazy! You’re lucky I don’t kill you right now!”
The brunette crazy ex-wife
There was once a brunette who was so crazy that her husband divorced her. After the divorce, she went to a counselor to try to deal with her anger. The counselor said, “I have an exercise that will help you to forget your anger.” She said, “Great! What is it?” The counselor said, “For the next hour, I want you to stand on this log and scream ‘I am a beautiful princess!’ as loud as you can.” The brunette thought this was silly, but she figured it couldn’t hurt. So she stood on the log and screamed, “I am a beautiful princess!” over and over again. After an hour, she was still screaming. The counselor came back and said, “How do you feel?” The brunette said, “I feel great! I have never felt so good in my life!”
The redhead crazy ex-wife
A man is driving down a country road when he sees a woman waving him down. He pulls over and she comes up to the car. She says, “I’m so glad I got you! My car just broke down and I don’t have a phone. Can you take me into town to get a tow truck?”
The man is happy to help, so he puts her in his car and starts driving. After a few minutes, he starts noticing that she’s acting strange. She keeps looking out the window and mumbling to herself. Heasks her if she’s okay, but she doesn’t answer him.
Suddenly, she yells, “Watch out for that tree!” He swerves to avoid the tree, but he hears her laughing maniacally. A few minutes later, she does it again. “Watch out for that ditch!” He swerves again and this time he hearsthe woman laughing hysterically.
He starts to get worried, so hepulls over and asks what’s going on. She looks at him with crazy eyesand says, “You know how long I’ve been stuck here? I’ve been here for hours! But every time someone comes along, they end up in accidents! I’m cursed!”
The man realizes that she’s nuts and decides he doesn’t want to stick around any longer. When he tries to get out of the car, she grabs his arm and screams,”Don’t leave me here! The last guy who left me here ended up in the hospital!”
He rips his arm away from her and sprints backto his car. As he drives away, he hears her laughing hysterically inthe background.
The Evil Ex-Wife Joke
The blonde evil ex-wife
A woman goes to a therapist and says, “I want to talk about my husband’s ex-wife.” The therapist says, “That’s a strange way to start a conversation.” The woman says, “She’s blonde, she’s beautiful, she’s rich, she has a great body, and she drives a Porsche.” The therapist says, “Hmm…sounds like you’re jealous of her.” The woman says, “Of course I am! She’s everything I’m not!”
The brunette evil ex-wife
There was once a brunette who was married to a man with two ex-wives. The first ex-wife was a blonde, and the second ex-wife was a redhead. One day, the brunette went to the man’s house and saw the blonde and the redhead arguing. The brunette asked what was going on, and the man explained that the blonde and the redhead were arguing over who was going to be his third wife.
The brunette said, “I’m going to be your third wife.”
The man replied, “You can’t be my third wife because I don’t have two ex-wives.”
The brunette said, “I’m going to be your third wife.”
The man replied, “You can’t be my third wife because I don’t have two ex-wives.”
The brunette said, “I’m going to be your third wife.”
The man replied, “You can’t be my third wife because I don’t have two ex-wives.”
The brunette said, “I’m going to be your third wife.”
The redhead evil ex-wife
Why did the redhead evil ex-wife cross the road?
To get to her husband’s house!
