If you’re going through a divorce, you might not be feeling too funny. But sometimes, laughter is the best medicine. Check out these funny divorce jokes to help you get through the tough times.
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Table of Contents
The Ex-Wife Joke
How many ex-wives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, the electricity is still screwed up from when they were married.
The Alimony Joke
How much alimony does a man get after a divorce?
As much as he can negotiate with his ex-wife!
The Child Support Joke
Why does child support keep increasing?
Because the kids keep getting bigger and bigger!
The Custody Joke
A woman went to court to fight for custody of her children. The judge asked her, “Do you love your children?”
“Of course I do,” she replied.
” then why are you divorcing their father?”
She looks confused for a moment, then says, “I never said I was divorcing their father.”
The Dating Joke
It’s tough out there in the dating world, especially for people who have been through a divorce. Whether you’re just getting back out there or you’ve been dating for awhile, it can be helpful to laugh at some of the funny things that can happen. Here are a few funny divorce jokes to help you get through the tough times.
The Dating Joke:
You know what I love about dating? Nothing.
The Good Thing About Divorce:
It makes you realize how much you really liked your ex’s stuff.
The Best Thing About Divorce:
I no longer have to sleep with a guy I don’t like just to keep him around in case I want to get married again someday.
Why Getting Divorced is Like Losing Weight:
You never realize how much it sucks until it’s gone.
The Family Joke
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says “You’re out of luck. We’ve been closed for fifteen minutes.”
The man leaves the bar and goes to the liquor store, where he asks the clerk for a bottle of scotch. The clerk says “You’re out of luck. We’ve been closed for fifteen minutes.”
The man then goes to the grocery store, where he asks the clerk for asix-pack of beer. The clerk says “You’re out of luck. We’ve been closed for fifteen minutes.”
The man is now getting angry, so he goes to the only place he knows that will be open–the divorce court. He storms in and demands to see the judge. The bailiff says “You’re out of luck. He’s presiding over a child custody case.”
The Friend Joke
What do you call a friend who is going through a divorce? A danger to themselves and others! Just kidding, we all know that divorce is no laughing matter. But sometimes, in the midst of all the drama and pain, you just need to laugh to keep from crying. If you’re looking for a good laugh, here are some funny divorce jokes to help you get through the tough times.
The In-Laws Joke
After my divorce, my ex and I had to split everything 50/50. I got the house, the car, and the kids. She got the jewelry,olarship, and custody of our sense of humor.
The Marriage Joke
A husband and wife are in the middle of a heated argument when the wife suddenly stops and asks, “How did we get here?”
The husband replies, “I don’t know. I just followed you.”
The Wedding Joke
A husband and wife were having some financial difficulties and decided to get a divorce. After thinking it over, they decided it would be better to remain married but live in separate homes.
A few years passed and they ran into each other at a restaurant. They had a pleasant conversation and after a few drinks, they ended up back at her place. One thing led to another and they ended up in bed together.
Afterward, the woman said, “I know this is painful for you, but I just had to do it. I just had to show you what you’re missing.”