Funny and Dirty Baseball Jokes You’ll Love

Looking for some funny and dirty baseball jokes? Then you’ll love this collection! From players to umpires, we’ve got all the bases covered!

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Jokes about Umpires

Q: Why did the umpire wear black?
A: Because he was all out of white!

Q: Why are umpires like old shoes?
A: They’re easy to get into, but they stink and they’re hard to get rid of.

Q: How can you tell if an umpire is blind?
A: If he calls a close game, “a perfect game.”

Jokes about Players

Why couldn’t the baseball player stand up? Because he was a batter!

How do you throw a spaceout? You tell the pitcher, “I don’t care how fast you throw that ball, just take your time!”

What’s a pitcher’s favorite fruit? A baseball!

Why did the chicken cross the road?To get to first base!

Why did the umpire call a balk on the pitcher?Because he couldn’t find his chewing gum!

Jokes about Fans

Why don’t baseball players wear corner infielders?
Because there are only three bases!

Why is dirt afraid of water?
Because water can drown it!

How do you throw a space party?
You planet!

Why can’t umpires go on dates?
Because they’re always calling balls and strikes!

Jokes about the Game Itself

Q: What does a strikeouts looking like?
A: A pitchfork in the face.

Q: How do you calculate a pitcher’s ERA?
A: You take his total number of earned runs allowed and divide it by the number of innings he pitched and multiply by nine.
Q: That seems complicated. Is there an easier way to do it?
A: Sure. You just add up the runs he gave up and divide by the number of innings he pitched.

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