Make your next trip to the casino a little more fun with these jokes about gambling and casinos. From card games to slot machines, you’re sure to get a laugh out of these.
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Table of Contents
Introduction
Welcome to our collection of funny casino jokes. We’ve compiled a list of some of the best gambling-related humor, ranging from clean jokes to darker, more risqué humor. Whether you’re looking for a laugh or trying to lighten the mood at your next poker night, these jokes are sure to get a rise out of your fellow gamblers.
So deal yourself a hand of laughs and enjoy!
The Joker
A man walks into a casino. He goes up to the blackjack table and asks for a $5,000 loan. The casino dealer says, “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t offer loans.” The man then pulls out a gun and points it at the dealer’s head. The dealer says, “Sir, this is a casino. We have security cameras everywhere. You’re not going to get away with this.” The man then pulls out a $5,000 chip and puts it on the table. He says, “I’ll just bet this.”
The Gambler
A gambler was in Vegas and discovered he had only one dollar left in his pocket. He sat down at a slot machine, inserted his dollar, and began playing. Suddenly, all the lights on the machine began flashing, bells started ringing, and an announcement came over the PA system: “We have a winner! The Gambler has won the jackpot!”
The Gambler was so excited that he jumped up and down and shouted, “I won! I won! I Finally won!”
A casino employee came over and said, “Sir, you need to calm down. We are going to pay you your winnings, but you need to calm down.”
The Gambler replied, “Calm down? What do you mean calm down? I just won $10 million!”
The employee said, “Sir, with that kind of money you can buy anything you want. Just take it easy.”
The Gambler replied, “Of course I can buy anything I want! That’s why I’m here in Vegas! I’m going to buy this casino!”
The Bluffer
A man walks into a casino and approaches the blackjack table. He buys in for $500 and the dealer starts him off with two cards, an Ace and a nine. The dealer has a four showing. The man doubles down on his Ace and draws a ten for 21. The dealer turns over his four to reveal a five underneath, making his hand worth nine. The man has just won $1000 on his $500 bet!
The man is feeling pretty good about himself as he walks away from the table, but then he sees the sign for the casino’s buffet and decides to go in for lunch. He hands the hostess his player’s card and she punches it into the machine. “I’m sorry, sir,” she says, “but you don’t have enough points to get into the buffet.”
“What?” the man exclaims. “I just won $1000 playing blackjack!”
“That’s true,” she replies, “but you also lost $600 on slots this morning.”
The Cheater
A man walks into a casino and approaches the roulette table. He plops down $100 and says, “I’ll bet you $50 I can spin this wheel and land on black five times in a row.” The dealer says sure, so the man spins away.
Sure enough, he lands on black five times in a row. The dealer pays him his winnings, and the man walks away.
A few minutes later, the same man approaches the roulette table again. This time he bets $100 that he can land on black ten times in a row. The dealer is hesitant but eventually agrees to take the bet.
The man spins the wheel and, once again, manages to land on black ten times in a row! The amazed dealer pays him out, and the man walks away with a huge smile on his face.
A few minutes later, a third time, the same man approaches the roulette table. This time he bets $500 that he can land on black fifteen times in a row! The dealer is getting nervous but still agrees to take the bet.
The man spins one last time…and amazingly lands on black fifteen times in a row! The ecstatic dealer pays him out completely, and the man walks away with an incredible amount of money.
As the man is leaving, one of the other gamblers at the casino stops him and asks him how he manages to win so much money at roulette. The secret,cheating,” replied the man.”But how?” asked the astonished gambler.”It’s simple,” replied the man.”Every time I approachthe roulette table, I put a magnet under my seat.”
The Loser
Why did the gambler lose all of his money?
Because he was a terrible poker player!
The Winner
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side of the casino!
The House
The following jokes are from various sources and neither confirm nor deny the veracity of their content. If you are easily offended, stop reading now.
How does the house always win?
By not playing.
What’s the difference between a casino owner and a large pizza?
One gives you a hundred dollars if you give him a ten-dollar bill. The other gives you a ten-inch pizza if you give him a hundred-dollar bill.
