The Funniest Calendar Jokes You’ll Ever Read

From April Fool’s day to the last day of the year, The Funniest Calendar Jokes You’ll Ever Read will have you laughing out loud all year long!

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This calendar is full of hilarious jokes that will keep you entertained all year long. From Topical Jokes to What did one __ say to the other? jokes, there’s something for everyone in this calendar. So start your year off with a laugh, and don’t forget to share the laughs with your friends and family!



Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: “How do you breath through that thing?”


February is the shortest month of the year, but it’s packed with enough holidays and special days to keep us busy. From Groundhog Day and Valentine’s Day to Presidents Day and Mardi Gras, there’s never a dull moment in February. And if you’re looking for a laugh, we’ve got you covered with our collection of the funniest February calendar jokes.


March is the month when we start to see the first signs of spring, so it’s the perfect time to start thinking about April Fool’s Day jokes. Here are some of the best calendar jokes you’ll ever read.

-Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side of March!

-Why did the duck cross the road? To get to the other side of April!

-Why did the turkey cross the road? To get to the other side of November!

-Why did the mosquito cross the road? To get to the other side of summer!


April Fool’s Day is the perfect day for pranks and jokes, and what better way to enjoy the day than with some hilarious calendar jokes? From poking fun at the different months to making light of some of the more “serious” holidays, these Calendar jokes are sure to have you laughing all year long!

Here are some of our favorites:

Why did the chicken cross the road in April?
To get to the other side of Easter!

Why is April the busiest month?
Because everyone is trying to get their tax returns in on time!

What does a rabbit use in April?
A hare brush!


May: Springtime. A time for new beginnings, fresh starts, and planting the seeds that will grow into your future. But it’s also a time for lawn care, weeding, and raking—aka, all the not-so-fun parts of gardening. So if you’re looking for a way to add some levity to your May days, we’ve got just the thing: jokes about everyone’s favorite month.


Q: What did the tornado say to the Picasso?
A: “You could be my work of art!”

Q: How do you catch a cheetah?
A: You tie him to a post!

Q: How do you catch a unicorn?
A: You tie him to a rainbow!


July is the 7th month of the year and is usually considered the middle of summer. Here are some jokes about July that will make you smile.

Why did the chicken cross the road in July?
To get to the other side of the heat wave!

Why did the tomato turn red in July?
Because it saw the salad dressing!

Why did the man put ice in his drink in July?
Because he wanted a cool drink!


August is the eighth month of the year and is 31 days long.

Q: Why did August wear a gold chain?
A: Because he was born in June!

Q: What does an August-born child do when she grows up?
A: She goes to July!


September: The month when the summer ends and the fall begins. It’s also the month when the government tries to screw us again by changing the clocks back an hour.



Q. What do you call a predicting chicken?

A. A prognosti-chicken!

Q. What kind of music do ghosts listen to?

A. Soul


Q: How does a rabbi make coffee?
A: Hebrews it!

Q: How do you throw a space party?
A: You planet!

Q: Want to hear a construction joke?
A: Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.

Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
A: Because they make up everything!


December is the last month of the year and usually the busiest. It’s the time when most people are finishing up work and getting ready for the holidays. It’s also a great time to joke around with your friends and family. Here are some of the best December jokes you can use to make this month even more enjoyable.

Q: What does Santa Claus like to eat for breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes!

Q: How does Santa Claus take his coffee?
A: With elf-abet!

Q: What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when she caught him in her closet?
A: “Don’t be mad, I was just looking for my socks!”


We hope you enjoyed our selection of the funniest calendar jokes you’ll ever read! If you did, be sure to share them with your friends and family so they can enjoy a good laugh too.

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