Find a collection of funny jokes that you can use for your baptism.
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Table of Contents
Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?To get to the other side.Why did the duck cross the road?To get to the other side.Why did the mosquito cross the road?To get to the other side.Why did the banana cross the road?Because he was sick of being mashed.Why did the boy cross the road?To get to the other side.
Short jokes
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? Steak rare.
Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out!
Why did the chicken go to the seance? To get to the other side.
Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was addicted to quack!
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
Long jokes
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it!
Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out!
You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
Sketches
You’ve been planning your child’s baptism for months. The day is finally here. The guests have arrived and are milling about, enjoying refreshments and chatting. Suddenly, you realize you forgot to plan entertainment for the event! What can you do?
Short sketches
Here are some short sketches you can use for your baptism. They are all clean and appropriate for this special occasion.
Sketch #1
setting: A church
characters: Minister, person being baptized
Minister: We are gathered here today to baptize Brother Smith. Does anyone have anything they would like to say before we begin?
Person being baptized: I just want to thank everyone for coming out today. This is a really special day for me and I am so glad to be sharing it with all of you.
Minister: That is very nice, Brother Smith. We are happy to have you with us today. Now, if you will come with me, we will get started on the baptism.
Sketch #2
setting: A riverbank
characters: Minister, person being baptized, witnesses
Minister: Do you renounce Satan and all his works?
Person being baptized: I do.
Minister: Do you believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?
Person being baptized: I do.
Minister: Do you pledge to follow him and obey his commands?
Person being baptized: I do.
Minister: Then I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen. (The minister dunkes the person in the water)
Sketch #3
setting: A pool
characters: Minister, person being baptized, witnesses
Minister: Brothers and sisters, we are here today to baptize our brother John in the name of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Are there any final words before we begin?
Person being baptized: Yes, I just want to say that I am so grateful for this opportunity to start my life anew with Jesus Christ. Thank you all for your love and support. Amen.
Long sketches
Long sketches are usually around 15 minutes or more in length. They are typically more involved and require more time to set up and execute. Because of this, they are often reserved for larger events or sketch comedy shows. Some examples of long sketches include:
-The Hamster Wheel: A sketch about a man who is perpetually stuck on a hamster wheel
-The Cooking Show: A sketch about a cooking show that goes horribly wrong
-The Job Interview: A sketch about a job interview that takes an unexpected turn
While long sketches can be very funny, they also have the potential to be very tedious if not executed properly. If you are considering writing a long sketch, make sure you have a solid idea that can sustain the length. Otherwise, you run the risk of boring your audience.
Stories
A little boy was being baptized. The pastor put his hand on the boy’s head and asked, “Do you understand what you’re doing?” The boy replied, “Yes, sir. I’m giving my life to Jesus.” The pastor then asked, “Do you have any questions?” The boy thought for a moment and then asked, “Will I still be able to watch cartoons?”
Short stories
Once upon a time, there was a little boy who wanted to be baptized. His mom and dad took him to the priest, who dunked him in the water and said, “Congratulations! You are now a member of the Catholic Church!” The little boy was so excited that he wanted to tell everyone about his special day. So he went up to his Sunday school teacher and said, “I was just baptized!” The teacher replied, “That’s nice, but you’re supposed to say ‘I am baptized.'” The little boy thought for a moment and then said, “I am baptised!”
Long stories
Some people just love to tell stories, and they can be great fun to listen to. But sometimes, they can be just a little too long. Here are some tips for how to deal with those pesky long stories:
1. Try to find a polite way to interrupt. Sometimes, the storyteller will take the hint and wrap things up.
2. If the story is really dragging on, try changing the subject. The storyteller may not even notice!
3. If all else fails, just pretend you have to go to the bathroom and make your escape!
