If you’re looking for a good laugh, then you’ll want to check out these 10 funny American jokes about the British. From poking fun at their accents to their love of tea, these jokes are sure to get you chuckling.
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Jokes about the British Royal Family
1. What’s the difference between the British Royal Family and a pack of cards?
One is heir to the throne, and the other is a royal pain in the ass.
2. How many members of the British Royal Family does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they’re all too busy waiting for someone else to do it.
3. Why did Prince Charles name his son William?
Because his other favorite name, “ Plymouth ,” was taken.
4. How is the British Royal Family like a compost heap?
The older ones go on top, and the younger ones go to the bottom.
5. How many members of the British Royal Family does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they’re not allowed to screw anything.
Jokes about British Food
1.Why don’t the British like cream in their coffee?
Because they have tea with milk.
2.How do you make a British chocolate cake?
You turn the oven off before it’s done cooking.
3.What do you call a British person who doesn’t like tea?
An American.
4.Why did the British bake their pudding for so long?
Because they wanted it to be well done!
5.What’s the difference between a English muffin and a crumpet?
A crumpet’s got hole in it!
6.How do you make a Yorkshire pudding rise?
You put your mother-in-law in the oven!
7.How can you tell if a British person is angry?
They start talking about the “weather”.
8.Why are British pancakes so thin?
So that you can eat more of them!
Jokes about the British Weather
1.Why are the British always complaining about the weather?
Because it’s always either too wet or too cold!
2.Why does it rain so much in England?
Because the queen has really greasy hair!
3.Why does it snow so much in Scotland?
Because they don’t have a word for “sun”!
4.Why did the Englishman cross the road?
To get to the other side of the street!
5.What do you call an Englishman in the summer?
A tourist!
Jokes about British Stereotypes
Are you looking for some funny American jokes about the British? Well, you’ve come to the right place!
The British are known for their stiff upper lip, love of tea, and sense of humor. And while they may not always laugh at our jokes, we still love to make them.
Here are 10 funny American jokes about the British:
1. Why don’t the British drink tea anymore? Because it’s Lipton!
2. What do you call a British person with a tan? A hostage!
3. How many Brits does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just complain that it’s too dark.
4. How do you know if a British person is smiling? They’re not, they’re baring their teeth.
5. What do you call a British person in an empty room? Lost!
6. What do you call a British person in a hurry? A tourist!
7. Why did the British cross the road? To get to the other side of the street!
8. How can you tell if a Brit has been in your fridge? The teabags are gone!
9. How can you tell if a Brit has been in your garden? The flowers are dead!
10. What do you call a Brit with no money? A pauper!
Jokes about the British Sense of Humor
It is often said that the British have a very different sense of humor to Americans. This may be true, but that doesn’t stop Americans from enjoying jokes about the British! Here are ten of the funniest American jokes about the British:
1. Why don’t the British watch sitcoms? because they’re not real enough.
2. When is a British person not happy? when they’re not tea-ing.
3. Why did the British invade America? to get their tea back!
4. How do you make a British person laugh? tell them a joke about the queen!
5. What’s the difference between an Englishman and a rooster? one crows in the morning, and the other doesn’t!
6. How do you know when an Englishman is angry? he starts speaking in Latin!
7. What’s an Englishman’s favorite drink? warm beer!
8. What do you call a Brit with no sense of humor? sober!
Jokes about British Slang
1. “What do you call a British person who can’t spell?” – “An American.”
2. “Why did the British person cross the road? To get to the other side!”
3. “How do you know if a British person is happy? If they’re not complaining, they’re probably dead.”
4. “Why don’t British people want to fly?” – “Because they’re afraid of Wales.”
5. “How can you tell if a British person is hungry?” – “If they’re looking for food.”
6. “What do you call a British person in a hurry?” – “A tourist.”
7. “Why are British people so good at queueing?” – “Because they’re used to waiting in line.”
8. “How can you tell if a British person is rich?” – “If they have a butler.”
9. “What’s the difference between a British person and a duck?” – “One has webbed feet and one doesn’t.”
Jokes about British Accents
1.How does every English person say “cheers” when they clink glasses? By holding their pinky up, of course.
2.Why do the British put milk in their tea instead of cream? Because they ran out of tea bags.
3.Why do British people always have tea time? Because they can’t pronounce iTiime.
4.Why is the food in Britain so bad? Because the cooks can’t spell “delicious.”
5.How do you know if an English person is going to order tea or coffee? By their accent – if they say “tea” with a French accent, they’ll probably order coffee.
6.Why are British people so good at queuing? Because they practice a lot – they have to, with all those long lines at the bank and post office!
7.What’s the difference between an English person and a teabag? The teabag stays in the cup longer!
8.Why did the British invent Earl Grey tea? So that they would have something to blush about when someone compliments them!
9.What’s the difference between an English person and a teapot? One speaks with eloquence and restraint, while the other is made of bone china!
Jokes about British Politics
1.Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side of Parliament!
2.Why can’t you trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
3.Why did the duck cross the road?
To get to the other side of Westminster!
4.Why did the cat cross the road?
To get to Downing Street!
5.Why did the banana cross the road?
Because he was sick of being mashed!
Jokes about the British Education System
The British education system is world-renowned, but that doesn’t mean it’s without its flaws. In fact, there are quite a few things about the British education system that Americans find confusing, if not outright humorous. Here are 10 of the funniest American jokes about the British education system:
1. “Why do the British call math ‘maths’ and not ‘math’? Isn’t that just another way of saying ‘more math’?” – Jimmy Fallon
2. “The United Kingdom has a population of approximately 63 million people, which means that there are more people in California than there are in the UK. In other words, if California were its own country, it would be the fifth largest country in Europe.” – John Oliver
3. “I was reading about this kid in Britain who got into trouble for bringing a knife to school. And I was like, ‘What’s the big deal? That’s like bringing a calculator to school in America.'” – Conan O’Brien
4. “I read that schools in Britain are now banning packed lunches from home because they want to promote healthy eating habits. Which is ironic, because most British kids probably don’t even know what a packed lunch is.” – Jimmy Kimmel
5. “The United Kingdom is reportedly considering changing the name of their currency from the pound to the euro. I didn’t even know they had their own currency.” – Jay Leno
6. “Apparently there’s a new report out that says that one in four children in England are obese. And get this: The other three are just really skinny and pasty.” – Jimmy Fallon
7. “A new study has found that nearly half of all teenagers in Britain have tried smoking pot at least once. But don’t worry, they still haven’t figured out how to actually smoke it properly yet.” – Conan O’Brien
8. “Did you hear about this? A 12-year-old boy in England recently ran away from home after his parents took away his Xbox as punishment. Well, today his parents took away his plane ticket back to England.” – Jimmy Fallon
9. “According to a new study, 3 percent of all young people in Britain have no religious affiliation whatsoever. When asked for comment, one of those kids was like, ‘Wait, there’s something other than Christianity?'” – Conan O’Brien
10. “A high school student in England recently set a world record by doing 37 Rubik’s Cubes underwater in one breath… or as competitive eating champ Joey Chestnut calls it, an afternoon snack.” – Jimmy Fallon
Jokes about the British Empire
1.Why did the British Empire collapse?
Because it was two miles too long and a foot too narrow!
2.Why did the British build so many roads in India?
To keep the Indians from waking up and realizing they were being ruled by a bunch of amateurs!
3.How many British soldiers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just make the natives do it!
4.How do you make a British soldier’s eyes light up?
Scratch his matchbox!
5.What do you call a British soldier with an IQ of 50?
A veteran!
