If you’re looking for a good laugh, check out these 21 funny alcohol jokes. From bar jokes to drinking jokes, these will have you LOL-ing in no time!
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Jokes about Drinking
Alcohol is the source of many jokes because it has been the source of so much bad decisionmaking throughout history. If you’re looking for a laugh, these alcohol jokes are for you. From bar jokes to drinking jokes, these will have you laughing all night.
“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. An alcoholic means that I can’t control my drinking. A drunk means that I can.”
There’s nothing funnier than a good drinking joke, and we’ve got 21 of the best ones here. Whether you prefer your humor dry or wet, we’ve got jokes about all types of alcohol, from beer and wine to hard liquor and mixed drinks. So grab your favorite beverage and enjoy!
1. “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. An alcoholic means that I can’t control my drinking. A drunk means that I can.”
2. “I drink to make other people more interesting.”
3. “24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”
4. “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”
5. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
6. “Age is just a number. It doesn’t matter how old you are, it’s how many bottles of wine you’ve finished.”
7. “Wine is sunlight, held together by water.”
8. “In wine, there is truth.”
9. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
10. “I don’t drink anymore… ’cause I am pregnant!”
11. “If you keep telling yourself that you’re not going to drink tonight, eventually you won’t drink tonight.”
12. “Always remember: yourself before alcohol…or after alcohol, depending on which one works better for you.”
13. “Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.”
14. “I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming!”
15″The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”
16.”I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home afterwards.”
17..”First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”
18..”Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder!”
19..”A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory!”
20..”There are two types of people in this world: those who like whisky and those who don’t… ”
“I’m not saying I’m an alcoholic, but I do wake up in a gutter with a bottle of Jack Daniels in my hand.”
Here are 21 of the best alcohol jokes that will make you laugh out loud. Whether you’re looking for a joke to share with your drinking buddies or you need a laugh to get through Dry January, these funny alcohol jokes will hit the spot.
1. “I’m not saying I’m an alcoholic, but I do wake up in a gutter with a bottle of Jack Daniels in my hand.”
2. “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a social drinker. An alcoholic is someone who drinks alone. I never drink alone.”
3. “My wife says I’m an alcoholic, but I only drink when I’m thirsty.”
4. “I told my therapist that I was an alcoholic and he said, ‘No, you’re not, you’re just in denial.'”
5. “An alcoholic is someone who drinks more than his or her physician.”
6. “I used to be an alcoholic, but I gave it up for Lent.”
7. “I have friends who are alcoholics and they say they can’t stop drinking because they enjoy it too much. I enjoy breathing too much; doesn’t mean I can stop.”
8. “If you want to know if someone is an alcoholic, don’t ask them, because they’ll always say no.”
9.
“I quit drinking for Lent and it’s been hell trying to give up mowing the lawn.”
“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a social drinker. An alcoholic is someone who can’t have just one drink.”
Here are 21 hilarious alcohol jokes that will make you LOL.
1. I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a social drinker. An alcoholic is someone who can’t have just one drink.
2. I’m not a heavy drinker, I can stop anytime I want…I just don’t want to stop.
3. A recovering alcoholic walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says “You’re an alcoholic! You can’t have a beer!” The recovering alcoholic says “OK, I’ll have a Diet Coke then.”
4. Alcohol is the answer…but the question is, “Will it kill me?”
5. My drinking team has a bowling problem.
6. If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt!
7. I tried to give up drinking but it was hard…I tried to give up hard drinking but it was even harder!
8. I’m not an alcoholic, I just really like alcohol!
“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a functioning alcoholic. I can function as long as I have alcohol.”
Alcoholism is no laughing matter, but sometimes the best way to deal with a serious issue is to laughed at it. If you or someone you love is struggling with alcoholism, these funny alcohol jokes can help you cope.
1. “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a functioning alcoholic. I can function as long as I have alcohol.”
2. “I’m not addicted to alcohol, I’m addicted to drinking.”
3. “I tried give up drinking once, it was the worst fifteen minutes of my life.”
4. “I drink to make other people more interesting.”
5. “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem…but feel free to have another drink.”
6. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a personality problem.”
7. “I like my beer like I like my women…in a plastic cup.”
8. “Alcohol is the perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.”
9. “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world!”
10. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
11. “Work is the curse of the drinking class.”
12. “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
13. “Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.”
14. “24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case…coincidence?”
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Jokes about Hangovers
If you’re looking for some funny alcohol jokes, then you’ve come to the right place. Alcohol can be a great way to relax and have some fun, but it can also lead to some pretty funny situations. Let’s take a look at some of the funniest alcohol jokes around.
“I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but I do have a problem drinking.”
I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but I do have a problem drinking. I can’t stop once I start. It’s like, one drink leads to another, and then another, and before you know it, I’m wasted. And then the next day I have a hangover, and the cycle starts all over again.
If you’re looking for a laugh, here are 21 jokes about hangovers that will make you LOL.
1. “I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but I do have a problem drinking. I can’t stop once I start. It’s like, one drink leads to another, and then another, and before you know it, I’m wasted. And then the next day I have a hangover, and the cycle starts all over again.”
2.”I tried to give up alcohol for Lent but it didn’t take.”
3.”My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now every time I go out I order two drinks: one for me and one for my imaginary friend.”
4.”Stopping drinking is easy. I’ve done it thousands of times.”
5.”I’m an alcoholic because whenever we have family game night and somebody suggests Monopoly, I immediately start looking for something else to do.”
6.”I give up drinking for Lent every year but it never takes because by Ash Wednesday I’m so thirsty I’ll drink anything.”
7.”I tried to give up alcohol for New Year’s but it only lasted until February 1st. That’s when the real partying starts!”
“Hangovers are like babies: you never want one until you have one.”
8. “Hangovers are like babies: you never want one until you have one.”
9. “My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me what my New Year’s resolution is.”
10. “Last night was so rough that when wake up this morning and saw ‘Drinkwater’ on my alarm clock thought it was telling me to drink more water so wouldn’t be so thirsty when woke up.”
“I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but I do have a problem when I don’t drink.”
I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but I do have a problem when I don’t drink.
-Anonymous
I’m not saying I don’t have a drinking problem, but… well actually, I am saying that.
-Anonymous
I’m not an alcoholic, but… wait, yes I am.
-Anonymous
I don’t have a drinking problem, except when I can’t get to the bottom of the bottle.
-Anonymous
I used to be a heavy drinker, but now I’m just an alcoholic.
-Anonymous
“I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but I do have a problem when I drink too much.”
“I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but I do have a problem when I drink too much.” If you find yourself in this situation often, these funny alcohol jokes are for you. From lighthearted one-liners to full-on funny stories, these jokes will have you laughing no matter how many drinks you’ve had.
“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.”
“I drink to make other people more interesting.”
“I tried to give up drinking but I’m not very good at it.”
“I drink because of the amazing effect it has on my mind. What’s your excuse?”
“My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.”
“Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink!”
“I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but I do have a problem when I can’t drink.”
Here are 21 funny alcohol jokes that will make you LOL.
1. I’m not saying I have a drinking problem, but I do have a problem when I can’t drink.
2. I drink to make other people more interesting.
3. Alcohol is the answer. But since you can’t have alcohol in school, will this do?
4. I’m not an alcoholic, but my life would be a lot easier if I was.
5. If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt!
6. I wish my brain had a “save” button like my computer does, so that every five minutes it would ask me: “Are you sure you want to continue drinking?”
7. “I had everything under control until somebody asked me what color the sky was.” – Homer Simpson
8. “I’m an alcoholic and an optimist.” – George Carlin
9. “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunkard.” – W.C Fields
10. “There’s nothing better than drinking with friends… unless you’re the designated driver!”
11.”I always wake up at the crack of noon… or is that the sound of opening beer cans?”
12.”I drink to make other people interesting.” – George Jean Nathan
13.”Give me caffeine or give me death!” – Anonymous
14.”I tried giving up alcohol once… it was horrible! I woke up sober every morning.” – Anonymous
15.”Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!”- Benjamin Franklin
16.”Beauty lies in the hand of the beerholder!”- American Proverb
17.”Age is just a number…but imbibing makes it harder to count!”- Anonymous 18.”Not all men are fools, some stay bachelor!”- Unknown 19.”A hangover is Hell with paper Walls”- Unknown
Jokes about Alcoholics
I’m not an alcoholic. I’m a drunk. We don’t have meetings for that.
“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. An alcoholic means that I can’t control my drinking. A drunk means that I can.”
Whether you’re trying to be funny or simply want to know what others find humorous about alcoholism, here are 21 funny jokes about alcoholics.
1. I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. An alcoholic means that I can’t control my drinking. A drunk means that I can.
2. I used to be an alcoholic, but I’m sober now. Except for Sundays and Wednesdays. And Fridays and Saturdays.
3. Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you that you don’t have it.
4. If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.’ – Dean Martin
5. My liver is like a sieve…it lets all the alcohol through.’ – Unknown
6. ‘I’m not an alcoholic; I’m a drunkservative.’ – Unknown
7.’I have giving up drinking for Lent…again!’ – Unknown
8.’I used to be an angry drunk…then I took an anger management class and now I’m a happy drunk!’ – Unknown
9.’Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.’ – George Bernard Shaw
10.’First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.’ – F. Scott Fitzgerald
“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a social drinker. An alcoholic is someone who can’t have just one drink.”
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says “You’re an alcoholic.” The man says “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a social drinker. An alcoholic is someone who can’t have just one drink.”
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says “You’re an alcoholic.” The man says “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a social drinker. An alcoholic is someone who can’t have just one drink.”
The man takes a sip of his beer and says “See, I can stop anytime.”
“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a functioning alcoholic. I can function as long as I have alcohol.”
Why did the alcoholic cross the road?
To get to the liquor store!
What’s an alcoholic’s favorite bar?
The one that’s open!
Why did the bartender kick out the drunk?
Because he was already18 and it was last call!
How do you know if an alcoholic has been in your fridge?
There is a note on the door that says “Wine Not?”
why are moths afraid of Alcoholics?
Because they might get drunk and eat them!
“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a recovering alcoholic. I’m in recovery from my alcoholism.”
Humor is often used as a way to deal with difficult situations, and alcoholism is no exception. If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol addiction, these funny alcohol jokes can help lighten the mood.
While they may not solve all your problems, they can at least provide a few laughs in the meantime. So take a break from the seriousness of addiction and enjoy some much-needed levity with these 21 funny alcohol jokes.
1. Why did the alcoholic cross the road? To get to the liquor store.
2. How many recovering alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it might take him a few tries.
3. I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a social drinker with a gambling problem.
4. I’m not an alcoholic, I’m an adventure drinker.
5. I’m not an alcoholic, I’ma functioning one!
6. How do you know you’re an alcoholic? You wake up in someone else’s bed and you’re wearing their clothes!
7. I’m an alcoholic because every time I try to quit, something bad happens!
8 “I’m not really an alcoholic…I just drink too much when I can’t find anything better to do.”
9 “I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my Birthday and when it’s not.”
10 “I started drinking heavily because my shrink told me it would help me forget my problems…And boy, did it ever!”
11 “I started out drinking like everybody else…Eventually I started drinking alone.”
